If you do not know me (I mean, really know me) then there is something you need to understand before you read this blog: I value the truth above everything else... except a good laugh. A good laugh will almost always beat the truth as far as I’m concerned. Everything you read on this blog will be true, somewhat true, or something I made up in an effort to get a laugh. Sometimes I will go on a rant that I don’t really mean (or only kind of mean). Sometimes I will mean what I write only to completely change my mind a year, month, or day later. Such is life. By reading this blog you agree not to get offended by anything I write (or, at the very least, you agree not to tell me or anyone else that you are offended). It is worth noting that my employer does not endorse my blog (or even read it, to tell you the truth). The Wife also does not endorse my blog (though she will read it from time to time). I am not paid to write this... it’s just my way of giving back to the community. I have, and will, touch on a wide range of subjects and will give my opinion on these subjects. Again, most of what I say is for laughs but every now and then I will say what I really think and feel (see my views on Westboro Baptist Cult). How will you know when I’m serious and when I’m trying to get a laugh? You’ll know. And if you don’t know, well... maybe this isn’t the best thing for you to be reading. So, sit back, read and enjoy. Leave comments if you want and don’t be afraid to publicly follow me.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!

I would like to take a minute today to wish The Wife a very happy anniversary! We have had a (mostly) great 9 years being married (don’t push me… I’m still sore from this). But really, it’s been a great 9 years. Let’s take a look at 9 things that went on 9 years ago:

*It poured down rain. I mean POURED! Downtown Charleston was pretty much flooded… which wouldn’t have really mattered except the church we were getting married at was down there.

*We had a psycho wedding director. We changed a lot of things she wanted us to do. For example, she wanted the wedding party to sit during the ceremony. I politely explained to her that I either stood (or was expecting to stand) in the weddings of all of the guys in my wedding, so there was no way in hell they were going to get to sit during mine.

*I had to sit out in the open before the wedding… right by the door where everyone was walking in. So almost everyone who walked in felt the need to look at me and say, “Are you nervous?”

*I wasn’t nervous… but as you can imagine, it didn’t take long for me to get annoyed with that question.

*Coach Hatley walked in at the last second... I mean, the very last second before the wedding started. That made me smile.

*The Wife had an Aunt who told me there was still time to leave.

*At one point during this thing, I had to stand about 3 or 4 rows back from the front of the church. Too bad for me my cousin Jim (he of the Lake) was right behind me (with my Uncle Keith right behind him). There is no way I should have been expected to keep a straight face with the two of them so close to me.

*Europe was declared polio-free by the World Health Organization.

*South Carolina lost to Texas in the Championship game of the College World Series.

Know Your Medal of Honor Recipients:

Private First Class Robert C. Burke (US Marine Corps) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on May 17, 1968 near Southern Quang Nam Province, Republic of Vietnam. His citation reads:

For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty for service as a machine gunner with Company 1. While on Operation ALLEN BROOK, Company 1 was approaching a dry river bed with a heavily wooded treeline that borders the hamlet of Le Nam (1), when they suddenly came under intense mortar, rocket propelled grenades, automatic weapons and small-arms fire from a large, well concealed enemy force which halted the company's advance and wounded several marines. Realizing that key points of resistance had to be eliminated to allow the units to advance and casualties to be evacuated, Pfc. Burke, without hesitation, seized his machine gun and launched a series of 1-man assaults against the fortified emplacements. As he aggressively maneuvered to the edge of the steep river bank, he delivered accurate suppressive fire upon several enemy bunkers, which enabled his comrades to advance and move the wounded marines to positions of relative safety. As he continued his combative actions, he located an opposing automatic weapons emplacement and poured intense fire into the position, killing 3 North Vietnamese soldiers as they attempted to flee. Pfc. Burke then fearlessly moved from one position to another, quelling the hostile fire until his weapon malfunctioned. Obtaining a casualty's rifle and hand grenades, he advanced further into the midst of the enemy fire in an assault against another pocket of resistance, killing 2 more of the enemy. Observing that a fellow marine had cleared his malfunctioning machine gun he grasped his weapon and moved into a dangerously exposed area and saturated the hostile treeline until he fell mortally wounded. Pfc. Burke's gallant actions upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the U.S. Naval Service. He gallantly gave his life for his country.

Private Thomas Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on June 30, 1863 at Hanover Courthouse, Virginia. His citation reads:

Capture of battle flag.

Seaman Thomas Burke (US Navy) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on May 10, 1866 on board the USS Winooski. His citation reads:

For heroic conduct, with 2 comrades, in rescuing from drowning James Rose and John Russell, seamen, of the U.S.S. Winooski, off Eastport, Maine, 10 May 1866.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Ok, this part's gonna hurt

We have a policy here at I'm just sayin... that we will share everything with you (as long as we think it might make you laugh).  It is with this policy in mind that I have decided to tell you about what I went through late yesterday afternoon.  You see, I had an appointment yesterday at 4:30pm for a... "procedure" (that's what the dr.'s office called it when they called to confirm my appointment).  I like to call it my extreme guarantee that we won't have another baby at the "hospital" (their word, not mine) that I hate so much.  Anyway, The Wife wanted me to have this done because, it seems, taking a little pill everyday is just too much for me to ask of her.  Here's an idea for some drug company out there wanting to make a little $$$... come up with a pill for men to take and then give them the choice between that and this "procedure".  Profits will soar.  But I digress...

So The Wife and I got to the doctor's office at 4:00 so she could fill out all of the paperwork that they gave to me to fill out.  I was a little worried that we were going at the end of the day.  As Sonny said to me, "Just hope you don't get the LeBron of doctors!" (i.e., someone who chokes in the 4th quarter of the big game).  That Sonny... he sure knows how to make his little brother relax before something like this.  If I was worried about a 4:30 appointment, imagine how I felt when I wasn't called back until the clock hit 6:00.  The thing that put me at ease was when the doctor told me he has 3 kids (12 year old twins and a 10 year old)... I figured there was no way he would be in a rush to get home to that.  Anyway, we talked and he joked enough to put me at ease (but not so much that I thought I had some doctor trying out for Comedy Central). 

I won't give you a blow by blow account of what happened during the "procedure" (if you really want to know, you can ask me).  I'll just say that 3 things got me through it... thinking about not having to use that "hospital" again, thinking about what I was going to put on here and most importantly, thinking about what I was going to say when I called Sonny.  The call went something like this:

Ring, ring, ring...

Sonny (in a far too happy voice): "Hey! So how did it go!"

Me: "You sonofabitch!"

Sonny: (hard laughter... and far too much of it)

Me: "I knew I was in trouble when the doctor said, 'Ok, this part's gonna hurt'".

Sonny: (more hard laughter)

That Sonny... he sure knows how to make his little brother feel better after a "procedure" like this.

The Wife was kind enough to drive me home.  She was also mean enough to hit every pothole between the doctors office and our house.  Every.  Single. Pothole.  She claims she didn't mean to do it.  Her laughter after hitting each one leads me to believe that perhaps she really did mean to.

That's all for now.  We aren't going to have our regular Medal of Honor section today.  It will return after Father's Day.

Friday, June 10, 2011


Today we at I’m just sayin… would like to wish my favorite nephew Austin a very happy birthday!!! Austin turns 9 today and we hope he has a great day. Already in his 9 years with us he has become a great baseball player and an award winning student. He also once sang a Johnny Cash song in a church talent show. Friends, I’ve always said that the great ones make people change the rules. Well, sources tell me that songs in this talent show now have to be pre-approved. That’s what I’m talking about. I’m already trying to think of ideas to help him top this last performance (not to give all my ideas away, but my favorite so far is: Sing Hells Bells with a handbell choir playing back-up). Anyway, Happy Birthday Austin! We love you!

Speaking of Bob Gibson, I saw this great story (told by Dusty Baker) on Wikipedia:

“Hank Aaron told me ‘Don't dig in against Bob Gibson, he'll knock you down. He'd knock down his own grandmother if she dared to challenge him. Don't stare at him, don't smile at him, don't talk to him. He doesn't like it. If you happen to hit a home run, don't run too slow, don't run too fast. If you happen to want to celebrate, get in the tunnel first. And if he hits you, don't charge the mound, because he's a Gold Glove boxer.’ I'm like, ‘Damn, what about my 17-game hitting streak?’ That was the night it ended.”

Know Your Medal of Honor Recipients:

First Lieutenant Lloyd L. Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on October 28, 1951 near Chong-dong, Korea. His citation reads:

1st Lt. Burke, distinguished himself by conspicuous gallantry and outstanding courage above and beyond the call of duty in action against the enemy. Intense enemy fire had pinned down leading elements of his company committed to secure commanding ground when 1st Lt. Burke left the command post to rally and urge the men to follow him toward 3 bunkers impeding the advance. Dashing to an exposed vantage point he threw several grenades at the bunkers, then, returning for an Ml rifle and adapter, he made a lone assault, wiping out the position and killing the crew. Closing on the center bunker he lobbed grenades through the opening and, with his pistol, killed 3 of its occupants attempting to surround him. Ordering his men forward he charged the third emplacement, catching several grenades in midair and hurling them back at the enemy. Inspired by his display of valor his men stormed forward, overran the hostile position, but were again pinned down by increased fire. Securing a light machine gun and 3 boxes of ammunition, 1st Lt. Burke dashed through the impact area to an open knoll, set up his gun and poured a crippling fire into the ranks of the enemy, killing approximately 75. Although wounded, he ordered more ammunition, reloading and destroying 2 mortar emplacements and a machine gun position with his accurate fire. Cradling the weapon in his arms he then led his men forward, killing some 25 more of the retreating enemy and securing the objective. 1st Lt. Burke's heroic action and daring exploits inspired his small force of 35 troops. His unflinching courage and outstanding leadership reflect the highest credit upon himself, the infantry, and the U.S. Army.

Farrier Patrick J. Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions during 1868 in Arizona. His citation reads:

Bravery in scouts and actions against Indians.

Private Richard Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions from October 1876 – January 1877 at Cedar Creek, Montana. His citation reads:

Gallantry in engagements.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Happy Birthday Danny!!!!

I don't have much time... Just wanted to stop by the office to wish my very good friend Danny a Happy 30th Birthday!!!  The Wife and I had a great time over at Danny and Jen's newly renovated house last night for his birthday party.  We had such a great time that we ended up staying until well after midnight (don't tell them... they think we left around 10:30).  So, Danny, I hope you have/had a very happy birthday.  And if you find "Winthrop Rules!" and/or "Go Eagles!" carved into the wall(s) upstairs at your house... Jeremy did it.

Friday, June 3, 2011


As you know, I am taking some time off this week from I’m just sayin… (a much needed break after the Month of Music). However, today is a special day and therefore I have come into the office in order to say:

Happy Birthday to my very dear friend Adrian!!!!!!!!! As I’m sure you will remember, Adrian is the sister of my good friend Ross and the lovely wife of my good friend and personal banker Michael. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about my bank on here before… maybe I will someday, but not today… today is all about wishing Adrian a happy birthday. So, in the spirit of the Month of Music (which ended just a few short days ago), we will now have the entire I’m just sayin… staff (including the I’m just sayin… Board of Directors) sing to Adrian:

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear Adrian!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you!

And now, in Spanish:

¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!
¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!
¡Feliz cumpleaños a Adrian!!!!!!!!
¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!

And French:

Joyeux Anniversaire!
Joyeux Anniversaire!
Joyeux Anniversaire Adrian!!!!!!!!
Joyeux Anniversaire!

And German:

Zum Geburtstag viel Glück!
Zum Geburtstag viel Glück!
Zum Geburtstag liebe Adrian!!!!!!!!
Zum Geburtstag viel Glück!

And, of course, Korean:

Seng il chook ha hamni da!
Seng il chook ha hamni da!
Sa rang ha nuen Adrian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seng il chook ha hamni da!!

***NOTE: I’m 99.9% sure we just sang Happy Birthday in all of these languages… If, in fact, we have ended up saying some very bad things to or about Adrian, please let me know and I will fire the person responsible for telling me that’s how to sing Happy Birthday.***

Anyway, from all of us at I’m just sayin..., to all of you who are (our friend, have a brother Ross who is also our friend and a husband Michael who is also our friend and, of course, have a birthday today) named Adrian: We hope you have a very, very, very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

Know Your Medal of Honor Recipients:

Private Oscar Burkard (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on October 5, 1898 at Leech Lake, Minnesota. His citation reads:

For distinguished bravery in action against hostile Indians. [Note: This, the last Medal of Honor won in an Indian campaign, was awarded for an action during the uprising of Chippewa Indians, on Lake Leech, northern Minnesota, 5 October 1898.]

First Sergeant Daniel W. Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on September 20, 1862 at Shepherdstown Ford, Virginia. His citation reads:

Voluntarily attempted to spike a gun in the face of the enemy.

First Lieutenant Frank Burke (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on April 17, 1945 at Nuremberg, Germany. His citation reads:

Also known as Francis X. Burke, he fought with extreme gallantry in the streets of war-torn Nuremberg, Germany, where the 1st Battalion, 15th Infantry, was engaged in rooting out fanatical defenders of the citadel of Nazism. As battalion transportation officer he had gone forward to select a motor-pool site, when, in a desire to perform more than his assigned duties and participate in the fight, he advanced beyond the lines of the forward riflemen. Detecting a group of about 10 Germans making preparations for a local counterattack, he rushed back to a nearby American company, secured a light machinegun with ammunition, and daringly opened fire on this superior force, which deployed and returned his fire with machine pistols, rifles, and rocket launchers. From another angle a German machinegun tried to blast him from his emplacement, but 1st Lt. Burke killed this guncrew and drove off the survivors of the unit he had originally attacked. Giving his next attention to enemy infantrymen in ruined buildings, he picked up a rifle dashed more than 100 yards through intense fire and engaged the Germans from behind an abandoned tank. A sniper nearly hit him from a cellar only 20 yards away, but he dispatched this adversary by running directly to the basement window, firing a full clip into it and then plunging through the darkened aperture to complete the job. He withdrew from the fight only long enough to replace his jammed rifle and secure grenades, then re-engaged the Germans. Finding his shots ineffective, he pulled the pins from 2 grenades, and, holding 1 in each hand, rushed the enemy-held building, hurling his missiles just as the enemy threw a potato masher grenade at him. In the triple explosion the Germans were wiped out and 1st Lt. Burke was dazed; but he emerged from the shower of debris that engulfed him, recovered his rifle, and went on to kill 3 more Germans and meet the charge of a machine pistolman, whom he cut down with 3 calmly delivered shots. He then retired toward the American lines and there assisted a platoon in a raging, 30-minute fight against formidable armed hostile forces. This enemy group was repulsed, and the intrepid fighter moved to another friendly group which broke the power of a German unit armed with a 20-mm. gun in a fierce fire fight. In 4 hours of heroic action, 1st Lt. Burke single-handedly killed 11 and wounded 3 enemy soldiers and took a leading role in engagements in which an additional 29 enemy were killed or wounded. His extraordinary bravery and superb fighting skill were an inspiration to his comrades, and his entirely voluntary mission into extremely dangerous territory hastened the fall of Nuremberg, in his battalion's sector.