Funny sayings…

Know Your Medal of Honor Recipients:

Seaman Henry Thielberg (US Navy) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on April 14, 1863, on board the U.S.S. Mount Washington. His citation reads:

Serving temporarily on board the U.S.S. Mount Washington during the Nansemond River action, 14 April 1863. After assisting in hauling up and raising the flagstaff, Thielberg volunteered to go up on the pilothouse and observe the movements of the enemy and although 3 shells struck within a few inches of his head, remained at his post until ordered to descend.

Sergeant Charles L. Thomas (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on September 17, 1865, at Powder River Expedition Dakota Territory. His citation reads:

Carried a message through a country infested with hostile Indians and saved the life of a comrade en route.

Lieutenant Charles L. Thomas (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on December 14, 1944, near Climbach, France. His citation reads:

For extraordinary heroism in action on 14 December 1944, near Climbach, France. While riding in the lead vehicle of a task force organized to storm and capture the village of Climbach, France, then First Lieutenant Thomas's armored scout car was subjected to intense enemy artillery, self-propelled gun, and small arms fire. Although wounded by the initial burst of hostile fire, Lieutenant Thomas signaled the remainder of the column to halt and, despite the severity of his wounds, assisted the crew of the wrecked car in dismounting. Upon leaving the scant protection which the vehicle afforded, Lieutenant Thomas was again subjected to a hail of enemy fire which inflicted multiple gunshot wounds in his chest, legs, and left arm. Despite the intense pain caused by these wounds, Lieutenant Thomas ordered and directed the dispersion and emplacement of two antitank guns which in a few moments were promptly and effectively returning the enemy fire. Realizing that he could no longer remain in command of the platoon, he signaled to the platoon commander to join him. Lieutenant Thomas then thoroughly oriented him on enemy gun dispositions and the general situation. Only after he was certain that his junior officer was in full control of the situation did he permit himself to be evacuated. First Lieutenant Thomas' outstanding heroism were an inspiration to his men and exemplify the highest traditions of the Armed Forces.


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I don’t remember where I got these from… maybe an email or some website. I just found a file on my computer with these sayings and figured they were too funny to keep to myself. I don’t think I’ve already shared them here, but if I have… well, they are funny enough to share again. So, here they are…


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw fish to them.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but checks when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I sleep 8 hours a day, and at least 10 at night.

The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian's pocket.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.