If you do not know me (I mean, really know me) then there is something you need to understand before you read this blog: I value the truth above everything else... except a good laugh. A good laugh will almost always beat the truth as far as I’m concerned. Everything you read on this blog will be true, somewhat true, or something I made up in an effort to get a laugh. Sometimes I will go on a rant that I don’t really mean (or only kind of mean). Sometimes I will mean what I write only to completely change my mind a year, month, or day later. Such is life. By reading this blog you agree not to get offended by anything I write (or, at the very least, you agree not to tell me or anyone else that you are offended). It is worth noting that my employer does not endorse my blog (or even read it, to tell you the truth). The Wife also does not endorse my blog (though she will read it from time to time). I am not paid to write this... it’s just my way of giving back to the community. I have, and will, touch on a wide range of subjects and will give my opinion on these subjects. Again, most of what I say is for laughs but every now and then I will say what I really think and feel (see my views on Westboro Baptist Cult). How will you know when I’m serious and when I’m trying to get a laugh? You’ll know. And if you don’t know, well... maybe this isn’t the best thing for you to be reading. So, sit back, read and enjoy. Leave comments if you want and don’t be afraid to publicly follow me.

Friday, September 25, 2015

That time we went to Golden Corral…

Know Your Medal of Honor Recipients:

Private Peter Thompson (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on June 25, 1876, at Little Big Horn, Montana. His citation reads:

After having voluntarily brought water to the wounded, in which effort he was shot through the head, he made two successful trips for the same purpose, notwithstanding remonstrances of his sergeant.

Sergeant Thomas Thompson (US Army) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on May 2, 1863, at Chancellorsville, Virginia. His citation reads:

One of a party of 4 who voluntarily brought into the Union lines, under fire, a wounded Confederate officer from whom was obtained valuable information concerning the enemy.

Signal Quartermaster William Thompson (US Navy) received his Medal of Honor for his actions on November 7, 1861, on board the U.S.S. Mohican. His citation reads:

During action of the main squadron of ships against heavily defended Forts Beauregard and Walker on Hilton Head, 7 November 1861. Serving as signal quartermaster on board the U.S.S. Mohican, Thompson steadfastly steered the ship with a steady and bold heart under the batteries; was wounded by a piece of shell but remained at his station until he fell from loss of blood. Legs since amputated.

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A couple of Saturday’s ago, The Wife and I received a text from Rebecca asking if we would like to eat lunch at Golden Corral. You might be surprised to find this out, but I usually try to stay away from “all you can eat” type places because I’ve found out over the years that I can eat a lot. The cheap side of me likes that… but the “trying to be healthy” side of me knows that isn’t good. Honestly, staying away from “all you can eat” situations is really the only time the “trying to be healthy” side of me wins. Anyway, Rebecca wanted to eat at Golden Corral and I’m not one to turn down a friend in need, so I said I would be happy to go. The Wife was working that day, so I was trying to figure out a way to slip out of the house without the kids noticing when The Wife sent a text saying we couldn’t make it for lunch, but would be able to do an early dinner. I suggested I could go to lunch with Jeremy, Rebecca and Lucas and we could just keep eating until early evening when The Wife and the kids could join us. Rebecca liked the idea, but we couldn’t gather enough votes to get it done.

The good news was I hadn’t fixed lunch for the kids yet, so I saved myself the trouble. Look, I’m not going to waste time and resources feeding my kids lunch when I’m then going to pay for them to eat all they can a few hours later. Anyway, the moment arrived and we went to Golden Corral. I had a ten course meal (the first course included veggies… which seemed to surprise Jeremy, Rebecca and The Wife)… About eight of the courses were desserts. At one point I told The Wife I could feel myself getting diabetes. It was just so good. I thought it would be great if Rebecca went into labor while we were in the restaurant (not to judge, but a lot of the people I saw in there looked like they’d either given birth or seen someone give birth in a lot stranger places). Sadly, she didn’t go into labor… so we left having all made some very bad decisions when it came to our eating choices.

The Wife snagged a to-go bag of cotton candy on our way out without the kids noticing, so we went back to our room when we got home to see if I really could put myself in a sugar coma. The kids were out in the den playing and generally being bad. We told them not to run and to be nice to one another, but with a secret bag of cotton candy ready to be eaten, we didn’t waste time making sure they listened to us. Just as we were getting to the bottom of the bag and my vision was starting to blur, we hear Daniel start to cry. This isn’t all that shocking because he has a mean sister… and he’s kind of a cry-baby/momma’s boy. Anywho, the big one (Mary Ruth) called for The Wife and said Daniel was hurt. Like all good mothers, The Wife shoved the last bit of cotton candy into her mouth and went to dish out some justice. She then called out to me. I went out there and saw Daniels head grow in front of my eyes. We were able to learn that he had been running and, it seems, ran into a door knob. We suspect the little one (Susie) pushed him into the door knob, but none of the witnesses felt safe enough to rat her out. The Wife did over hear Susie tell Daniel a little later, “Well, next time don’t get up all in my grill”… So she came to me and told me to go do something about it. I went and told Daniel to be careful around Susie. And stop crying so much. The Wife wasn’t happy with how I handled the situation, but I think I gave pretty good advice.

She ended up taking Daniel to the ER after doing her best to convince herself that he didn’t need to go. He got a stitch or two put into his head and came home ready to crawl into my bed and wake me up (I was so worried that I’d fallen asleep… in my bed… with the lights off).

Early the next morning Rebecca went into labor. Cute little sweet baby Ethan was born later that afternoon. So the one time we go to Golden Corral, one of us ends up at the ER and one of us goes into labor…

The Wife, "I think I should take him to the ER".  Me, "No sh!t".

The day after...

Maybe a wookie would keep him safe around Susie... maybe.

The Wife holding Ethan.  The Wife has a gift of finding what someone likes and taking it away from them.

She pulled his finger out of his mouth and told him not to suck it... this is what happened

Why would she do that?

Everything is ok now...

He felt much safer with me... because I'm nice.

"Uncle Greg... I feel so safe with you.  You just let me do what I want... because I'm a baby.  And you're nice".


The big one and the little one holding Ethan

All three with him

Me and Lucas

The Wife holding Ethan's cousin Jenna(fer)

"Uncle Greg, is Aunt Jen around?  Don't let her get me"

Add your own caption

Susie getting to hold Ethan... Mary Ruth was worried

Ethan liked having Daniel hold him

Lucas getting in on the picture fun

Big brother holding little brother

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