If you do not know me (I mean, really know me) then there is something you need to understand before you read this blog: I value the truth above everything else... except a good laugh. A good laugh will almost always beat the truth as far as I’m concerned. Everything you read on this blog will be true, somewhat true, or something I made up in an effort to get a laugh. Sometimes I will go on a rant that I don’t really mean (or only kind of mean). Sometimes I will mean what I write only to completely change my mind a year, month, or day later. Such is life. By reading this blog you agree not to get offended by anything I write (or, at the very least, you agree not to tell me or anyone else that you are offended). It is worth noting that my employer does not endorse my blog (or even read it, to tell you the truth). The Wife also does not endorse my blog (though she will read it from time to time). I am not paid to write this... it’s just my way of giving back to the community. I have, and will, touch on a wide range of subjects and will give my opinion on these subjects. Again, most of what I say is for laughs but every now and then I will say what I really think and feel (see my views on Westboro Baptist Cult). How will you know when I’m serious and when I’m trying to get a laugh? You’ll know. And if you don’t know, well... maybe this isn’t the best thing for you to be reading. So, sit back, read and enjoy. Leave comments if you want and don’t be afraid to publicly follow me.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Entering the Top 200

The I’m just sayin… Top 2,982 Movies of All-Time Countdown

265 The Sheepman
George Marshall
Glenn Ford, Shirley MacLaine

264 Batman Returns
Tim Burton
Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfeiffer

263 A Streetcar Named Desire
Elia Kazan
Vivien Leigh, Marlon Brando, Karl Malden, Kim Hunter
Stanley Kowalski: "Hey, STELLA!"

262 Thunderball
Terence Young
Sean Connery
James Bond: "Bond, James Bond"

261 The Magnificent Seven
John Sturges
Yul Brynner, Eli Wallach, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, James Coburn, Brad Dexter, Horst Buchholz

260 Stand by Me
Rob Reiner
Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O'Connell, Kiefer Sutherland

259 Analyze This
Harold Ramis
Robert De Niro, Billy Crystal, Lisa Kudrow

258 Ghost Dad
Sidney Poitier
Bill Cosby

257 Poltergeist
Tobe Hooper
Craig T. Nelson, Beatrice Straight, Dominique Dunne

256 Pretty Woman
Garry Marshall
Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Hector Elizondo, Jason Alexander, Laura San Giacomo, Ralph Bellamy

255 Roots
Marvin J. Chomsky, John Erman, Gilbert Moses
LeVar Burton, Louis Gossett, Jr., John Amos, Ben Vereen, Cicely Tyson, Georg Stanford Brown, Richard Roundtree, O. J. Simpson

254 The Wedding Singer
Frank Coraci
Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Christine Taylor, Steve Buscemi, Alexis Arquette
Robbie: "Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up".

253 Kung Fu Panda
Mark Osborne, John Wayne Stevenson
Jack Black, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen

252 Footloose
Herbert Ross
Kevin Bacon, John Lithgow, Lori Singer, Dianne Wiest, Chris Penn, Sarah Jessica Parker

251 Thor: The Dark World
Alan Taylor
Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Jaimie Alexander, Idris Elba, Zachary Levi, Stellan Skarsgård, Anthony Hopkins, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Christopher Eccleston, Kat Dennings, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Rene Russo

250 Dances with Wolves
Kevin Costner
Kevin Costner, Mary McDonnell, Graham Greene

249 Failure to Launch
Tom Dey
Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, Terry Bradshaw, Kathy Bates

248 A Christmas Story
Bob Clark
Peter Billingsley, Darren McGavin, Melinda Dillon
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, after BB gun shot bounces off target and hits his face] "Oh my god, I shot my eye out!"

Ralphie: "Oooh fuuudge!"
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] "Only I didn't say 'Fudge.' I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the 'F-dash-dash-dash' word!"
Mr. Parker: [stunned] "*What* did you say?"
Ralphie: "Uh, um..."
Mr. Parker: "That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!"
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] "It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me".

247 BASEketball
David Zucker
Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Yasmine Bleeth, Jenny McCarthy, Robert Vaughn, Ernest Borgnine, Bob Costas, Al Michaels

246 Erin Brockovich
Steven Soderbergh
Julia Roberts, Albert Finney, Aaron Eckhart

245 Holiday Inn
Mark Sandrich
Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire

244 Raging Bull
Martin Scorsese
Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci, Cathy Moriarty
Jake La Motta: "I got these small hands. I got a little girl's hands".

243 The Hunt for Red October
John McTiernan
Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, Scott Glenn, Sam Neill, James Earl Jones, Courtney B. Vance, Tim Curry

242 The Shawshank Redemption
Frank Darabont
Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, James Whitmore, Clancy Brown, William Sadler, Gil Bellows, Bob Gunton

241 The Program
David S. Ward
James Caan, Halle Berry, Craig Sheffer, Omar Epps, Kristy Swanson
Darnell Jefferson: "Darnell Jefferson, tailback".
Ray Griffen: "Ray Griffen, *starting* tailback".
Darnell Jefferson: "I know, that's why they recruited me".

Joe Kane: "Let's put the women and children to bed and go lookin' for dinner!"

Coach Winters: "Alright, this is Mississippi State's offensive set. Second and two on our own 24, what defensive set might we call?"
Alvin Mack: "Eagle Zipper Hero, unless the setback shifts into the I".
Coach Winters: "Good".
[clicks to next slide]
Coach Winters: "Third and seven?"
Alvin Mack: "Oakie Thunder Lion".
Coach Winters: "What's your assignment?"
Alvin Mack: "Kill the quarterback".
Coach Winters: [clicks to next slide]
Alvin Mack: "Hit the tight end so hard his girlfriend dies".
Coach Winters: [clicks to next slide]
Alvin Mack: "Kill everybody".

240 Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
George Lucas
Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd
Senator Palpatine: "There is no civility, only politics".

Yoda: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you".

Obi-Wan: "I have a bad feeling about this".

Mace Windu: "May the force be with you".

239 Ride Along
Tim Story
Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, John Leguizamo, Bruce McGill, Tika Sumpter, Laurence Fishburne

238 Guys and Dolls
Joseph L. Mankiewicz
Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra, Jean Simmons

237 Back to the Future Part II
Robert Zemeckis
Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson
[Flying above Biff in 1955]
Marty McFly: "There he is, Doc! Let's land on him, we'll cripple his car".
Doc: "Marty, he's in a '46 Ford, we're in a DeLorean. He'd rip through us like we were tin foil".

Doc: "The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers".

236 Sweet Charity
Bob Fosse
Shirley MacLaine, Chita Rivera, Ricardo Montalbán, John McMartin, Paula Kelly, Sammy Davis, Jr.

235 Four Christmases
Seth Gordon
Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon
Howard: "Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but she's nothing but a common street whore".

Darryl: "Look, Brad. I'm not trying to be your father, you already got one of those. I'm just hoping for a chance to be your friend".
Brad: "You were my friend, Darryl. You were my best friend. We grew up together, we rode bikes together, we used to smell each others hands. But now you're sleeping with my mom and it's a little bit weird for me. Can you appreciate that?"
Darryl: "I never had a sexual thought about your mom until I was 30".
Brad: "Can you leave it alone? You can't be my friend anymore. You can't be sleeping with my mom and still be my friend, ok?"

Brad: "My childhood was like the Shawshank Redemption, except I didn't have some old, warm, black man to share my story with!"

234 Father of the Bride
Vincente Minnelli
Elizabeth Taylor, Spencer Tracy, Joan Bennett

233 Avengers: Age of Ultron
Joss Whedon
Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Don Cheadle, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Bettany, Cobie Smulders, Anthony Mackie, Hayley Atwell, Idris Elba, Stellan Skarsgård, James Spader, Samuel L. Jackson
Steve Rogers: You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed... walk it off.

232 Mississippi Burning
Alan Parker
Gene Hackman, Willem Dafoe, Frances McDormand

231 The Muppet Movie
James Frawley
James Coburn, Mel Brooks, Orson Welles

230 Around the World in Eighty Days
Michael Anderson, John Farrow
David Niven, Cantinflas, Shirley MacLaine, Robert Newton

229 Reservoir Dogs
Quentin Tarantino
Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Steve Buscemi, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen
Nice Guy Eddie: "We got places all over the place".

228 Olympus Has Fallen
Antoine Fuqua
Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Rick Yune, Dylan McDermott, Angela Bassett, Radha Mitchell, Robert Forster, Ashley Judd, Melissa Leo

227 School of Rock
Richard Linklater
Jack Black, Joan Cusack, Mike White, Sarah Silverman
Dewey Finn: "In the words of AC/DC: We roll tonight... to the guitar bite... and for those about to rock... I salute you".

Tomika: "Why don't you go on a diet?"
Dewey Finn: "Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?"

Dewey Finn: "8:15 to 10, rock history. 10 to 11, rock appreciation in theory. And then band practice till the end of the day".

Dewey Finn: "Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!"

226 Rush Hour 2
Brett Ratner
Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker
James Carter: "Who died, Lee?"
Lee: "You!"
James Carter: "Detective Yu?"
Lee: "Not Yu, you!"
James Carter: "Who?
Lee: "You!"
James Carter: "Who?"
Lee: "Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth?"
James Carter: "Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth".

James Carter: "Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man".
Lee: "Follow the rich white man?"
James Carter: "Behind every big crime there's a rich white man waiting for his cut".

James Carter: "Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us".
Lee: "They will torture us for three days".
James Carter: "Okay, I can handle that".
Lee: "Then they will cut off our eggrolls".
James Carter: "Cut off our eggrolls? Oh hell no! We gotta get out of here! Don't give up!"

James Carter: [In a casino] "My people did not go through 362 years of slavery just so you could send us back to the cotton fields with $500 chips!"

James Carter: [In a casino] "I have a dream! That white people, and black people... and even Chinese people, can gamble together without getting different chips!"
Audience: [Applause, Cheering]
James Carter: [Sees that Lee no longer needs a distraction] "Whoa, whoa, whoa... in the spirit of brotherhood... let's just play craps man".

James Carter: "How come you ain't got no black people performing in this casino? We ain't good enough for you?"
Pit Boss: "We got Lionel Ritchie!"
James Carter: "Lionel Ritchie ain't been black since the commodores!"

225 Lincoln
Steven Spielberg
Daniel Day-Lewis, David Strathairn, Hal Holbrook, Sally Field, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, James Spader, John Hawkes, Tim Blake Nelson, Jared Harris, Tommy Lee Jones

224 Tin Cup
Ron Shelton
Kevin Costner, Rene Russo, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin, Linda Hart
Romeo Posar: "Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper".

Dewey: "Winner, winner! Chicken Dinner!"

223 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Michael Bay
Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Matthew Marsden

222 Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Glenn Ficarra and John Requa
Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, John Carroll Lynch, Marisa Tomei and Kevin Bacon, Analeigh Tipton, Liza Lapira, Joey King, Mekia Cox
Jacob: "I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?"

Jacob: "The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise".

Bernie Riley: "Claire said I can't be friends with you anymore".
Cal: "What?"
Bernie Riley: "She said we had to choose between you and Emily. I chose you. But she said no".

221 Hidden Figures
Theodore Melfi
Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, Kevin Costner, Jim Parsons, Janelle Monáe, Kirsten Dunst, Glen Powell, Mahershala Ali, Jim Parsons

220 U.S. Marshals
Stuart Baird
Tommy Lee Jones, Wesley Snipes, Robert Downey, Jr., Joe Pantoliano, Irene Jacob
John Royce: "I thought we didn't take our work personally".
Sam Gerard: "We don't. I do".

219 Bad Boys
Michael Bay
Martin Lawrence, Will Smith, Tea Leoni

218 Invictus
Clint Eastwood
Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon

217 Spartacus
Stanley Kubrick
Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons, Tony Curtis, Peter Ustinov, Charles Laughton, John Gavin, Woody Strode
Antoninus: "I'm Spartacus!"
[everyone around Antoninus and Spartacus takes up the shout]

216 D-Day
Nikhil Advani
Arjun Rampal, Irrfan Khan, Huma Qureshi, Rishi Kapoor, Shruti Haasan, Nassar, Sandeep Kulkarni, K. K. Raina, Chandan Roy Sanyal, Imran Hasnee, Maryam Zakaria

215 The Usual Suspects
Bryan Singer
Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio del Toro, Kevin Pollak, Kevin Spacey, Chazz Palminteri, Suzy Amis, Giancarlo Esposito, Pete Postlethwaite

214 Captain America: Civil War
Anthony Russo/Joe Russo
Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Don Cheadle, Jeremy Renner, Chadwick Boseman, Paul Bettany, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, Emily VanCamp, Tom Holland, Frank Grillo, William Hurt, Daniel Brühl

213 Pitch Perfect
Jason Moore
Anna Kendrick, Anna Camp, Rebel Wilson, Adam DeVine, Alexis Knapp, Brittany Snow, Freddie Stroma

212 21 Jump Street
Phil Lord/Chris Miller
Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube, Brie Larson, Rob Riggle, DeRay Davis, Dave Franco, Jake Johnson, Johnny Simmons, Johnny Pemberton, Dakota Johnson, Ellie Kemper, Johnny Depp

211 Captain America: The First Avenger
Joe Johnston
Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Dominic Cooper, Neal McDonough, Derek Luke and Stanley Tucci, Hayley Atwell, Sebastian Stan, Kenneth Choi, Toby Jones, Richard Armitage, J. J. Feild, Samuel L. Jackson

210 The Gods Must Be Crazy
Jamie Uys
N!xua, Sandra Prinsloo, Marius Weyers, Louw Verwey, Michael Thys

209 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Stephen Sommers
Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Saïd Taghmaoui, Jonathan Pryce, Rachel Nichols, Sienna Miller, Lee Byung-hun, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

208 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Tom Shadyac
Jim Carrey, Courteney Cox, Sean Young, Dan Marino
Ace Ventura: [has been trying to figure out a connection between Lt. Lois Einhorn and football player Ray Finkle, when he sees his dog's fur overlapping Finkle's hair in a photo] "What the... That's it! Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man!"
[Ace remembers how Einhorn kissed him and the pieces fall into place]
Ace Ventura: "Oh, my GOD! Einhorn is a man!"
[Ace heads to the bathroom to throw up]

207 La Bamba
Luis Valdez
Lou Diamond Phillips, Esai Morales, Rosanna DeSoto, Elizabeth Pena, Danielle Von Zerneck

206 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
George Roy Hill
Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Katharine Ross
Sundance Kid: "You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at".

Butch Cassidy: [to Sundance] "Boy, I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals".

Butch Cassidy: "Alright. I'll jump first".
Sundance Kid: "No".
Butch Cassidy: "Then you jump first".
Sundance Kid: "No, I said".
Butch Cassidy: "What's the matter with you?"
Sundance Kid: "I can't swim".
Butch Cassidy: "Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you".
Sundance Kid: "Oh, shit..."

205 A Beautiful Mind
Ron Howard
Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Ed Harris

204 Rules of Engagement
William Friedkin
Tommy Lee Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Guy Pearce
Colonel Hayes Hodges: "If this gets bad, it gets bad for both of us".
Colonel Terry L. Childers: "Why, Hodge? Are you going to jail too?"

203 Crimson Tide
Tony Scott
Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman, James Gandolfini
Capt. Ramsey: "I expect and demand your very best. Anything less, you should have joined the Air Force".

202 Missing in Action 2: The Beginning
Lance Hool
Chuck Norris, Soon-Tek Oh, Steven Williams

201 Mission: Impossible
Brian De Palma
Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames, Jon Voight, Vanessa Redgrave, Emmanuelle Béart, Kristin Scott Thomas, Henry Czerny, Jean Reno

200 Summer School
Carl Reiner
Mark Harmon, Kirstie Alley
Chainsaw: "You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me?"
Dave: "It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know I can".

199 Ghosts of Mississippi
Rob Reiner
Alec Baldwin, Whoopi Goldberg, James Woods

198 Star Trek
J. J. Abrams
Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Ben Cross, Anton Yelchin, Winona Ryder, Eric Bana, Leonard Nimoy
Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: "Dammit, man! I'm a doctor, not a physicist!"

197 The Perfect Storm
Wolfgang Petersen
George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Diane Lane, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, John C. Reilly, John Hawkes, Karen Allen

196 Transformers The Movie
Nelson Shin
Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Orson Welles, Eric Idle, Chris Latta, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, Neil Ross

195 Shrek
Andrew Adamson, Vicky Jenson
Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Lithgow
[Dragon, having a crush on Donkey, is cuddling him]
Donkey: [desperately talking] "I don't want to rush into a... physical relationship... I'm not that emotionally ready for a... uh... commitment of this... uh... magnitude! Really, that's the word I'm looking for, magnitude... Huh! Hey, that is unwanted physical contact! Hey! What're you doing? Okay, okay, okay... let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time... I mean, we should really get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even as pen pals, you know, coz I'm on the road a lot, but I just love to get a card... Hey, hey, hey, don't do that, that's my TAIL, that's my personal tail, you gonna tear it off! I don't give permission to... Hey, what're you gonna do with that? Oh, no, no, no, no... no!"

194 Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Jay Roach
Mike Myers, Elizabeth Hurley, Michael York, Robert Wagner, Seth Green, Mindy Sterling, Mimi Rogers
Dr. Evil: "Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"

Austin Powers: "Allow myself to introduce... myself".

193 The Da Vinci Code
Ron Howard
Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Paul Bettany, Jean Reno

192 From Russia with Love
Terence Young
Sean Connery
James Bond: "Bond, James Bond"

191 Fight Club
David Fincher
Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, Helena Bonham Carter
Tyler Durden: "Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells "stop!", goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight".

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