If you do not know me (I mean, really know me) then there is something you need to understand before you read this blog: I value the truth above everything else... except a good laugh. A good laugh will almost always beat the truth as far as I’m concerned. Everything you read on this blog will be true, somewhat true, or something I made up in an effort to get a laugh. Sometimes I will go on a rant that I don’t really mean (or only kind of mean). Sometimes I will mean what I write only to completely change my mind a year, month, or day later. Such is life. By reading this blog you agree not to get offended by anything I write (or, at the very least, you agree not to tell me or anyone else that you are offended). It is worth noting that my employer does not endorse my blog (or even read it, to tell you the truth). The Wife also does not endorse my blog (though she will read it from time to time). I am not paid to write this... it’s just my way of giving back to the community. I have, and will, touch on a wide range of subjects and will give my opinion on these subjects. Again, most of what I say is for laughs but every now and then I will say what I really think and feel (see my views on Westboro Baptist Cult). How will you know when I’m serious and when I’m trying to get a laugh? You’ll know. And if you don’t know, well... maybe this isn’t the best thing for you to be reading. So, sit back, read and enjoy. Leave comments if you want and don’t be afraid to publicly follow me.

Friday, May 19, 2017

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to take a minute today to wish my “baby” cousin, Alan, a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope he has a GREAT day!!!!

The I’m just sayin… Top 2,982 Movies of All-Time Countdown

765 Scream 2
Wes Craven
David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jamie Kennedy, Laurie Metcalf, Jerry O'Connell, Jada Pinkett, Liev Schreiber

764 Code Name: The Cleaner
Les Mayfield
Cedric the Entertainer, Lucy Liu, Nicollette Sheridan
Kevin McCallister: This is my house, I have to defend it.
Jake Rodgers: I'm married?... to a white woman?... Am i Lionel Richie?

763 The Company Men
John Wells
Ben Affleck, Chris Cooper, Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, Maria Bello, Rosemarie DeWitt, Craig T. Nelson

762 Poetic Justice
John Singleton
Janet Jackson, Tupac Shakur

761 For Love or Money
Barry Sonnenfeld
Michael J. Fox, Gabrielle Anwar

760 Goonies, The
Richard Donner
Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Jeff Cohen, Corey Feldman, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Anne Ramsey, Robert Davi, Joe Pantoliano
[the Fratellis are interrogating Chunk]
Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!
Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!

759 In Harm's Way
Otto Preminger
John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Patricia Neal, Henry Fonda, Brandon de Wilde, Paula Prentiss, Burgess Meredith, Carroll O'Connor, Dana Andrews
Captain Rockwell Torrey: Get a message off to Pearl. "Have taken two torpedoes." Fill in our position. "Extent of damage unknown. Will advise."
Commander Burke: And break radio silence, sir?
Captain Rockwell Torrey: Burke, don't you think the Japanese know by now where we are?

758 Suicide Squad
David Ayer
Will Smith, Jared Leto, Margot Robbie, Joel Kinnaman, Viola Davis, Jai Courtney, Common, Jay Hernandez, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Ike Barinholtz, Scott Eastwood, Cara Delevingne, Adam Beach, Jim Parrack, Alex Meraz, David Harbour, Corina Calderon, Karen Fukuhara, Ben Affleck, Ezra Miller

757 Zero Dark Thirty
Kathryn Bigelow
Jessica Chastain, Chris Pratt, Joel Edgerton, Kyle Chandler, Jason Clarke, Mark Strong, Jennifer Ehle, James Gandolfini

756 Death Wish II
Michael Winner
Charles Bronson, Jill Ireland, Vincent Gardenia

755 Clash of the Titans
Desmond Davis
Laurence Olivier, Harry Hamlin, Maggie Smith, Ursula Andress, Judi Bowker, Claire Bloom

754 Police Academy 3: Back in Training
Jerry Paris
Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, Leslie Easterbrook
Capt. Proctor: Mahoney must think he's as dumb as we are.

753 The Muppets
James Bobin
Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Chris Cooper, Rashida Jones

752 Flying Leathernecks
Nicholas Ray
John Wayne, Robert Ryan

751 Groundhog Day
Harold Ramis
Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell

750 Jackie Brown
Quentin Tarantino
Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster, Robert De Niro, Michael Keaton, Bridget Fonda, Chris Tucker

749 Hercules
Ron Clements, John Musker

748 Dogma
Kevin Smith
Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Alan Rickman, Chris Rock, Kevin Smith, George Carlin, Alanis Morissette

747 Grumpier Old Men
Howard Deutch
Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Ann-Margret, Sophia Loren

746 Jurassic World
Colin Trevorrow
Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Vincent D'Onofrio, Ty Simpkins, Nick Robinson, B. D. Wong, Irrfan Khan, Omar Sy, Jake Johnson, Lauren Lapkus, Brian Tee, Katie McGrath, Judy Greer, Andy Buckley, Eric Edelstein, Jimmy Buffett, Colin Trevorrow, Brad Bird, Jack Horner, Jimmy Fallon

745 The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1
Francis Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Woody Harrelson, Julianne Moore, Donald Sutherland, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Natalie Dormer, Liam Hemsworth, Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci, Jeffrey Wright, Lily Rabe, Stef Dawson, Robert Knepper

744 The Devil Wears Prada
David Frankel
Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Adrian Grenier, Simon Baker

743 Never Been Kissed
Raja Gosnell
Drew Barrymore, David Arquette, Molly Shannon, James Franco

742 The Lincoln Lawyer
Brad Furman
Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, Josh Lucas, John Leguizamo, Michael Peña, Frances Fisher, Bob Gunton, with Bryan Cranston and William H. Macy

741 Family Business
Sidney Lumet
Sean Connery, Dustin Hoffman, Matthew Broderick

740 Date Night
Shawn Levy
Steve Carell, Tina Fey
Phil Foster: I say, we sit back and relax and enjoy a spread of their finest fruits of the sea.
[opens menu]
Phil Foster: Or, I will just suck on a napkin. Holy mama, look at these prices.
Claire Foster: [scroffs] If we are gonna pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid!

Phil Foster: He turned the gun sideways! That's a kill shot!

739 Hollywood Homicide
Ron Shelton
Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett

738 For Me and My Gal
Busby Berkeley
Judy Garland, Gene Kelly

737 Young Mr. Lincoln
John Ford
Henry Fonda, Alice Brady

736 Behind Enemy Lines
John Moore
Gene Hackman, Owen Wilson, David Keith

735 Loaded Weapon 1
Gene Quintano
Emilio Estevez, Samuel L. Jackson
Colt: Nice weather? You think we're having... nice weather? I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today?

Jack Colt: Claire and I rode together for seven years.
Wes Luger: York and I were in academy together. Then we partnered for five years. Before that, we dodged the draft together. Before that, we played high school football together. Before that, we were in grade school together. And before that, we breast fed together.

734 Loving
Jeff Nichols
Joel Edgerton, Ruth Negga, Nick Kroll, Marton Csokas, Michael Shannon

733 The Big Short
Adam McKay
Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt, Melissa Leo, Marisa Tomei, Karen Gillan

732 The Paperboy
Lee Daniels
Zac Efron, Matthew McConaughey, Nicole Kidman, John Cusack, David Oyelowo, Scott Glenn

731 Righteous Kill
Jon Avnet
Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Carla Gugino, Curtis Jackson, Donnie Wahlberg

730 The Aviator
Martin Scorsese
Leonardo DiCaprio, Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin, John C. Reilly, Alan Alda, Jude Law, Kate Beckinsale, Danny Huston, Ian Holm

729 The Spy Who Loved Me
Lewis Gilbert
Roger Moore
James Bond: "Bond, James Bond"

728 The Recruit
Roger Donaldson
Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan

727 American Gangster
Ridley Scott
Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe

726 Hondo
John Farrow
John Wayne, Geraldine Page, Ward Bond, James Arness

725 Love & Other Drugs
Edward Zwick
Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway, Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, Josh Gad, Gabriel Macht, Judy Greer, Jill Clayburgh

724 Mission: Impossible II
John Woo
Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton, Ving Rhames, Richard Roxburgh, Brendan Gleeson

723 Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult
Peter Segal
Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy, O.J. Simpson, Fred Ward, Anna Nicole Smith, Kathleen Freeman, Pia Zadora, Raquel Welch
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Ed Hocken: There's only one way to find out where Rocco's gonna strike next. We're gonna hafta send someone into Statesville Prison.
Frank Drebin: I'll do it.
Ed Hocken: Frank, I couldn't. I wouldn't feel right about that. If Rocco finds out you're a cop, you might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: You might end up dead is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name. But, Ed, I need the action. I'm going inside the big house.

722 Men in Black
Barry Sonnenfield
Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Vincent D'Onofrio, Linda Fiorentino, Rip Torn
Jay: Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Kay: No.
Jay: I ain't playing with you, K. Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Kay: No.

721 Madea's Witness Protection
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry, Eugene Levy, Doris Roberts, Tom Arnold, Denise Richards, Danielle Campbell, Romeo, John Amos, Marla Gibbs

720 The Odd Couple
Gene Saks
Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau

719 Chicago
Rob Marshall
Renée Zellweger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, John C. Reilly, Taye Diggs

718 The Players Club
Ice Cube
Bernie Mac, Ice Cube, Lisa Raye

717 Se7en
David Fincher
Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow

716 The Outsiders
Francis Ford Coppola
C. Thomas Howell, Matt Dillon, Diane Lane, Patrick Swayze, Ralph Macchio, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, Leif Garrett

715 The Only Game in Town
George Stevens
Elizabeth Taylor, Warren Beatty

714 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Steve Barron
Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas

713 Armageddon
Michael Bay
Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Billy Bob Thornton, Will Patton, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan

712 Pardners
Norman Taurog
Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis

711 Moneyball
Bennett Miller
Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Robin Wright, Chris Pratt, Casey Bond, Stephen Bishop, Royce Clayton, David Hutchinson, Kathryn Morris
Billy Beane: Would you rather get one shot in the head or five in the chest and bleed to death?
Peter Brand: Are those my only two options?

Scott Hatteberg: [Responding to being asked to play first base for the Oakland A's] I've only ever played catcher.
Billy Beane: It's not that hard, Scott. Tell him, Wash.
Ron Washington: It's incredibly hard.

710 Miracles from Heaven
Patricia Riggen
Jennifer Garner, Martin Henderson, Queen Latifah, Kylie Rogers

709 Steve Jobs
Danny Boyle
Michael Fassbender, Seth Rogen, Kate Winslet, Jeff Daniels, Katherine Waterston, Michael Stuhlbarg

708 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Bill Condon
Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Michael Sheen, Mackenzie Foy, Billy Burke, Ashley Greene, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning

707 John Tucker Must Die
Betty Thomas
Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow, Ashanti, Sophia Bush

706 Along Came a Spider
Lee Tamahori
Morgan Freeman, Monica Potter, Dylan Baker

705 M*A*S*H
Robert Altman
Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Sally Kellerman. Tom Skeritt, Jo Ann Pflug, John Schuck, Robert Duvall
Hotlips O'Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.
Father Mulcahy: He was drafted.

704 The Help
Tate Taylor
Jessica Chastain, Viola Davis, Bryce Dallas Howard, Allison Janney, Octavia Spencer, Emma Stone, Anna Camp, Dana Ivey, Leslie Jordan, Brian Kerwin, Chris Lowell, David Oyelowo, Sissy Spacek, Cicely Tyson, Mike Vogel
Aibileen Clark: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

703 The Social Network
David Fincher
Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Armie Hammer, Max Minghella, Brenda Song, Rooney Mara, Dustin Fitzsimons, Joseph Mazzello, Rashida Jones

702 Shark Tale
Bibo Bergeron, Vicky Jenson, Rob Letterman
Will Smith, Jack Black, Renée Zellweger, Angelina Jolie, Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese

701 Nixon
Oliver Stone
Anthony Hopkins, Joan Allen, James Woods, J. T. Walsh, David Hyde Pierce, Ed Harris, Paul Sorvino, Powers Boothe, Mary Steenburgen

700 The Man
Les Mayfield
Samuel L. Jackson, Eugene Levy
Andy Fidler: You shot me!
Special Agent Derrick Vann: I grazed you.
Andy Fidler: Well, that's still shooting me!

699 Parenthood
Ron Howard
Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Dianne Wiest, Keanu Reeves, Martha Plimpton, Jason Robards, Rick Moranis

698 X-Men
Bryan Singer
Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen

697 The Wolverine
James Mangold
Hugh Jackman, Famke Janssen, Hiroyuki Sanada, Hal Yamanouchi, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Will Yun Lee, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee

696 Hard Rain
Mikael Salomon
Morgan Freeman, Christian Slater, Randy Quaid, Minnie Driver

695 The Rookie
John Lee Hancock
Dennis Quaid, Rachel Griffiths, Jay Hernandez, Brian Cox

694 From Here to Eternity
Fred Zinnemann
Montgomery Clift, Deborah Kerr, Burt Lancaster, Frank Sinatra, Donna Reed, Ernest Borgnine

693 Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Mark Waters
Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Michael Douglas, Breckin Meyer, Lacey Chabert, Emma Stone, Anne Archer, Robert Forster, Amanda Walsh, Noureen DeWulf

692 Short Circuit
John Badham
Ally Sheedy, Steve Guttenberg
Ben Jabituya: I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.

691 Gladiator
Ridley Scott
Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielsen, Richard Harris, Djimon Hounsou, Oliver Reed
Maximus: My name is Gladiator.
[turns away from Commodus]
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me! Slave, you will remove your helmet and tell me your name.
Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

690 Iron Eagle
Sidney J. Furie
Louis Gossett, Jr., Jason Gedrick

689 Death Wish
Michael Winner
Charles Bronson, Vincent Gardenia, Hope Lange

688 Bad News Bears
Richard Linklater
Billy Bob Thornton, Greg Kinnear
Morris Buttermaker: Baseball's hard, guys. I mean, it really is. You can love it but, believe me, it don't always love you back. It's kind of like dating a German chick, you know?

687 The Big Bounce
George Armitage
Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinise, Sara Foster, Bebe Neuwirth, Charlie Sheen

686 The Hunger Games
Gary Ross
Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Wes Bentley, Elizabeth Banks, Amandla Stenberg, Stanley Tucci, Woody Harrelson, Lenny Kravitz, Toby Jones, Donald Sutherland, Alexander Ludwig, Isabelle Fuhrman

685 Just Cause
Arne Glimcher
Sean Connery, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Capshaw, Blair Underwood

684 The Whole Nine Yards
Jonathan Lynn
Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Rosanna Arquette, Natasha Henstridge, Michael Clarke Duncan, Amanda Peet, Kevin Pollak
Cynthia: Promise me something.
Oz: Anything.
Cynthia: You'll go slow. I haven't made love in five years.
Oz: Neither have I. I've been married.

683 Dangerous Minds
John N. Smith
Michelle Pfeiffer, George Dzundza

682 Fantasia
James Algar, Samuel Armstrong, and 9 more
Leopold Stokowski, Deems Taylor

681 Fletch Lives
Michael Ritchie
Chevy Chase, R. Lee Ermey, Hal Holbrook
Fletch: All I needed now was a computer. And a ten year old kid to teach me how to use it.

Calculus Entropy: Should I be doing anything?
Fletch: No, not really, um... as soon as you get that trunk upstairs and have finished your nap I guess you could fix that step and jump down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton. And while I'm gone see to it Miss Scarlet stays away from the Union army will you?

680 The Santa Clause
John Pasquin
Tim Allen, Judge Reinhold, Wendy Crewson, Eric Lloyd, David Krumholtz

679 Hot Shots! Part Deux
Jim Abrahams
Charlie Sheen, Lloyd Bridges, Valeria Golino

678 The Matrix
Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski
Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving

677 Lethal Weapon 3
Richard Donner
Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, Rene Russo

676 I Spy
Betty Thomas
Owen Wilson, Eddie Murphy, Famke Janssen

675 This Means War
Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon, Chelsea Handler, Til Schweiger, Abigail Spencer

674 2001: A Space Odyssey
Stanley Kubrick
Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester

673 Men at Work
Emilio Estevez
Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez

672 48 Hrs.
Walter Hill
Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy, Annette O'Toole
Reggie: And I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there's a new sheriff in town. And his name is Reggie Hammond. So y'all be cool. Right on.

671 Arthur
Steve Gordon
Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli, John Gielgud

670 Face/Off
John Woo
John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen, Gina Gershon

669 The Proposal
Anne Fletcher
Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock, Betty White

668 Rounders
John Dahl
Matt Damon, Edward Norton, Gretchen Mol, John Turturro, John Malkovich

667 Ride Along 2
Tim Story
Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, Benjamin Bratt, Olivia Munn, Ken Jeong, Nadine Velazquez, Tika Sumpter, Tyrese Gibson, T.I., Glen Powell, Rebecca Olejniczak

666 Enchanted
Kevin Lima
Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden, Susan Sarandon

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