If you do not know me (I mean, really know me) then there is something you need to understand before you read this blog: I value the truth above everything else... except a good laugh. A good laugh will almost always beat the truth as far as I’m concerned. Everything you read on this blog will be true, somewhat true, or something I made up in an effort to get a laugh. Sometimes I will go on a rant that I don’t really mean (or only kind of mean). Sometimes I will mean what I write only to completely change my mind a year, month, or day later. Such is life. By reading this blog you agree not to get offended by anything I write (or, at the very least, you agree not to tell me or anyone else that you are offended). It is worth noting that my employer does not endorse my blog (or even read it, to tell you the truth). The Wife also does not endorse my blog (though she will read it from time to time). I am not paid to write this... it’s just my way of giving back to the community. I have, and will, touch on a wide range of subjects and will give my opinion on these subjects. Again, most of what I say is for laughs but every now and then I will say what I really think and feel (see my views on Westboro Baptist Cult). How will you know when I’m serious and when I’m trying to get a laugh? You’ll know. And if you don’t know, well... maybe this isn’t the best thing for you to be reading. So, sit back, read and enjoy. Leave comments if you want and don’t be afraid to publicly follow me.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The Top 10 Movies of All-Time!!!!!!!!

The I’m just sayin… Top 2,982 Movies of All-Time Countdown

10 Field of Dreams
Phil Alden Robinson
Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, James Earl Jones, Ray Liotta, Burt Lancaster, Timothy Busfield, Gaby Hoffmann
The Voice: "If you build it, he will come".

Terence Mann: "Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come".

[Archie's at bat and is almost hit by the pitcher's throws, twice]
Archie Graham: "Hey ump, how 'bout a warning?"
Clean-shaven Umpire: "Sure, kid. Watch out you don't get killed".

Shoeless Joe Jackson: "Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand the son-of-a-bitch when we were alive, so we told him to stick it!"

Shoeless Joe Jackson: "The first two were high and tight, so where do you think the next one's gonna be?"
Archie Graham: "Well, either low and away, or in my ear".
Shoeless Joe Jackson: "He's not gonna wanna load the bases, so look low and away".
Archie Graham: "Right".
Shoeless Joe Jackson: "But watch out for in your ear".

9 National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Jeremiah S. Chechik
Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Randy Quaid, Johnny Galecki, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Diane Ladd
Clark: "Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f--king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse".

Clark: "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"

[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]
Clark: "Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah".

Clark: "Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now".

8 Die Hard
John McTiernan
Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Bedelia, Paul Gleason, Reginald VelJohnson, Alexander Godunov
John McClane: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherf--ker".

Supervisor: [as McClane tries to call up police] "Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only".
John McClane: "No f--king shit, lady. Does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza?"

7 Jaws
Steven Spielberg
Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss
Brody: "You're gonna need a bigger boat".

Hooper: "You were on the Indianapolis?"
Brody: "What happened?"
Quint: "Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail fin. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark will go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb".

6 Rocky
John G. Avildsen
Sylvester Stallone, Carl Weathers, Talia Shire, Burgess Meredith
Mickey: "Women weaken legs!"

Mickey: "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!"

Mickey: "Your nose is broken".
Rocky: "How does it look?"
Mickey: "Ah, it's an improvement".

Rocky: "Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood".

Apollo's Trainer: "He doesn't know it's a damn show! He thinks it's a damn fight!"

[after the fight]
Apollo Creed: "Ain't gonna be no rematch".
Rocky: "Don't want one".

Rocky: "Cut me, Mick".

5 Steel Magnolias
Herbert Ross
Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, Julia Roberts, Tom Skerritt, Dylan McDermott, Kevin J. O'Connor, Sam Shepard
Ouiser Boudreaux: "A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste".

Clairee Belcher: "Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life".
Ouiser Boudreaux: "Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'".

Clairee: "Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?"

M'Lynn: [crying] "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine". [screaming] "I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!" [in a firm tone] "No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!" [continues sobbing]
Clairee: "Here!" [grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: "Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!"
Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] "Are you crazy?"
Clairee: "Hit her!"
Ouiser Boudreaux: "Are you *high*, Clairee?"
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] "Clairee, have you lost your mind?"
Clairee: "We'll sell t-shirts sayin' 'I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!' Hit her!"
Annelle: [in a scared tone] "Ms. Clairee, enough!"
Clairee: "Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!"
Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] "Let go o' me!"
Clairee: "M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!"

Ouiser Boudreaux: "He is a boil on the butt of humanity!"

4 Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope aka Star Wars
George Lucas
Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness
Obi-Wan: "Use the Force, Luke".

Luke: "I have a very bad feeling about this".

Luke: "How did my father die?"
Obi-Wan: "A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the Jedi are all but extinct. Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force".

Princess Leia: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope".

Han Solo: "Well, you can forget your troubles with those Imperial slugs. I told you I'd outrun 'em".
[nobody is listening]
Han Solo: "Don't everyone thank me at once".

Obi-Wan: [after hiding from the Storm Troopers on the Millennium Falcom] "Who is more foolish? The fool? Or the fool following the fool?"

3 Gone with the Wind
Victor Fleming
Clark Gable, Vivien Leigh, Leslie Howard, Olivia de Havilland, Hattie McDaniel, Butterfly McQueen
Rhett Butler: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn".

2 Casablanca
Michael Curtiz
Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman
Captain Renault: "Carl, see that Major Strasser gets a good table, one close to the ladies".
Carl: "I have already given him the best, knowing he is German and would take it anyway".

Rick: "I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue".

Senor Ferrari: "As the leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man".

Yvonne: "Where were you last night?"
Rick: "That's so long ago, I don't remember".
Yvonne: "Will I see you tonight?"
Rick: "I never make plans that far ahead".

Rick: "*I'm* the only "cause" I'm interested in".

Captain Renault: [after Rick pulls a gun on him] "Have you lost your mind?"
Rick: "I have. Sit down!"
Captain Renault: "Put that gun down!"
Rick: "I don't want to shoot you, but I will if you take one more step!"
Captain Renault: [With amusement] "Under the circumstances I will sit down".

Rick: "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine".

Captain Renault: "I've often speculated why you don't return to America. Did you abscond with the church funds? Run off with a senator's wife? I like to think you killed a man. It's the Romantic in me".

Captain Renault: "Oh, please, monsieur. It is a little game we play. They put it on the bill, I tear up the bill. It is very convenient".

Rick: "How can you close me up? On what grounds?"
Captain Renault: "I'm shocked, *shocked* to find that gambling is going on in here!"
[a croupier hands Renault a pile of money]
Croupier: "Your winnings, sir".
Captain Renault: [sotto voce] "Oh, thank you very much".
Captain Renault: "Everybody out at once!"

Rick: "And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart".
Captain Renault: "That is my *least* vulnerable spot".

Rick: "I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life".
Ilsa: "But what about us?"
Rick: "We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night".
Ilsa: "When I said I would never leave you".
Rick: "And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that".
[Ilsa lowers her head and begins to cry]
Rick: "Now, now..."
[Rick gently places his hand under her chin and raises it so their eyes meet]
Rick: "Here's looking at you kid".

Captain Renault: "Realizing the importance of the case, my men are rounding up twice the usual number of suspects".

Rick: "Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship".

1 The Godfather
Francis Ford Coppola
Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, James Caan, Robert Duvall, John Cazale, Diane Keaton, Talia Shire, Richard Castellano, Richard Conte, Sterling Hayden, Al Lettieri, Gianni Russo
Don Corleone: "You talk about vengance. Is vengance going to bring your son back to you or my boy to me? I forgo the vengance of my son. But my youngest son had to leave this country because of this Sollozzo business. So now I have to make arraingments to bring him back safely cleared of all these false charges. But I'm a supersticious man. And if some unluck accident should befall him, if he should be shot in the head by a police officer, or if should hang himself in his jail cell, or if he's struck by a bolt of lightning... *then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room*... and that, I do not forgive. But, that aside, let say that I swear, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today".

Luca Brasi: "Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child be a masculine child. I pledge my ever-ending loyalty".

Michael: "Well, when Johnny was first starting out, he was signed to a personal services contract with this big-band leader. And as his career got better and better, he wanted to get out of it. But the band leader wouldn't let him. Now, Johnny is my father's godson. So my father went to see this bandleader and offered him $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the bandleader said no. So the next day, my father went back, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, he had a signed release for a certified check of $1000".
Kay Adams: "How did he do that?"
Michael: "My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse".
Kay Adams: "What was that?"
Michael: "Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract".

Peter Clemenza: "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli".

Don Corleone: "Bonasera, Bonasera, what have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you".

Don Corleone: "Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, consider this justice a gift on my daughter's wedding day".

Don Corleone: "I knew Santino was going to have to go through all this and Fredo... well, Fredo was... But I, I never wanted this for you. I work my whole life, I don't apologize, to take care of my family. And I refused to be a fool dancing on the strings held by all of those big shots. That's my life, I don't apologize for that. But I always thought that when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the strings. Senator Corleone, Governor Corleone, something".

Don Corleone: "It's an old habit. I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can afford to be careless, but not men".

Carlo Rizzi: "Sonny, Tom, I'd like to talk to you after dinner. I think I can do a lot more for this family..."
Sonny: "We don't discuss business at the table".

Tessio: [to Hagen] "Tell Mike it was only business, I always liked him".
Tom Hagen: "He understands that".

Tessio: "Can you get me off the hook, Tom? For old times' sake?"
Tom Hagen: [shakes his head] "Can't do it, Sally".

Sonny: "You touch my sister again, I'll kill you".

Tom Hagen: "You know how they're going to come at you?"
Michael: "They want to arrange a meeting between me and Barzini. On Tessio's ground. Where I'll be safe".
[Hagen is silent for a long moment]
Tom Hagen: "Tessio. I always thought it would be Clemenza".
Michael: "It's the smart move. Tessio was always smarter".

[Tessio brings in Luca Brasi's bulletproof vest, delivered with a fish inside]
Sonny: "What the hell is this?"
Clemenza: "It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes".

Sonny: [laughing] "What are you gonna do? Nice college boy, didn't want to get mixed up in the family business. Now you want to gun down a police captain. Why? Because he slapped you in the face a little? What do you think this like the Army where you can shoot 'em from a mile away? No you gotta get up like this and, badda-bing, you blow their brains all over your nice Ivy League suit. C'mere".
[Kisses Michael on the head]
Sonny: "You're taking this very personal. Tom, this is business and this man is taking it very, very personal".

Moe Greene: "Sonofabitch! Do you know who I am? I'm Moe Greene! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!"

Michael: "Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever".

Carlo Rizzi: "Please don't do this to me, Mike. Please don't".
Michael: "Barzini is dead. So is Phillip Tattaglia. Moe Greene. Stracci. Cuneo. Today I settled all family business so don't tell me that you're innocent. Admit what you did".

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